I was inspired to write this blog by the reminiscences of a PDP (Personality Development Programme) class in my college. The class was lectured by a male teacher who singled out a male student to play a small game called ‘Hot Chair’ in which he would be fielding questions from the whole class. Things were going very propitious until a girl asked a question whose reply had force enough to provoke my feminine ego.
The girl’s question was: “What is that one trait that you would not like your wife to have?”
And the boy gave the most coward answer ever: “I would not like my wife to be working.”
One could easily sense the insecurity that surrounded this boy. The reply prompted me to ask: “You would like to have an educated woman as your wife and every educated woman would like to have her own career. So how do you think you will manage?”
Well there was no escape for him. People have heard of male ego but a feminine ego can be exponentially dangerous and he did hit that. While the boy felt short of courage and kept quite, the teacher started fielding questions for him(as they shared the same perception on this issue). The discussion revolved around two things:
One, the teacher said that every man would want his wife to take care of “their” child sitting at home for at least two years and then should rejoin her work.
Now, all those people who are in touch with international affairs would know Sarah Palin (the vice-presidential Republican candidate for the recent US elections). Famously known as hockey-mom, she returned back to the most exhausting campaigning just three days after her delivery. Which heaven gave her that courage and strength? If one woman would do that it is certainly possible for others also. Moreover, when you marry a woman and have your own child, taking care of the child demands an equal participation from your side and not a disproportionate one. It is not the sole responsibility of the woman and if you ask her to sit at home, you should also do the same.
Secondly, he said that women leave their jobs because they are “not able to do” so many things together- conceiving a child, looking after him/her and taking a job etc. etc. simultaneously. Now there, my teacher, if even you were given to do so many things together, even you would have not been successful. After all a woman is also a human being. Moreover, when you want her to sit at home for 2 years looking after your baby, do you think she remains trained and competitive enough to step into another world so suddenly after 2 years and work as efficiently as she used to in her office just like before? Ultimately she’s not able to stand all that, becomes frustrated and demoralised and gives in. And finally, your plot of a totally illogical & absurd “2 years” has worked out!
Whether or not you were able to persuade her to sit at home, finally she has given in. And you then blame everything on women’s abilities. Double victory, isn’t it?
The most surprising part was that only one male student – Rahul, among 20 supported me. While he raised his voice stating that “P. Chidambaran’s wife is an advocate in the Supreme Court” his comment was sidelined by the teacher as it could easily undermine his defence. The other boys were implicitly against me, though quite. If only one person among 20 could support me, just imagine the ratio of males in our country who really understand women, their dignity & freedom!!
Friday, May 29, 2009
INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY
Well as this is my first blog, i would like to start with my favourite article among all my articles. This article also gives a true reflection of my thoughts and a glimpse of my very basic character. An epithet like 'feminist' is the most common attributed to me by my freinds and others. Carry on....
INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY-
THE IRONY OF THE CELEBRATION
Read any article on the internet or newspaper on International Women’s Day and for most of them the opening lines will be “She’s the multi-tasker – daughter, mother, wife, sister, etc.-“. What is so achieving about being a multi-tasker? A man is also a good father, son and husband. You cannot make an assumption or claim that he’s not. But a man is never identified as a good father, son or husband but as a CEO, an IAS officer, an eminent engineer or a doctor or to talk plainly – an ambitious employee. Then why are these traditional roles her parameters of identification? The irony is that these are the roles that have domesticated women- her job as a mother, her job as a wife and as a daughter and made her advent in the outside world of men more difficult.
Women’s Day should not be used as an occasion to celebrate traditions but to celebrate all those occasions when traditions were broken. In ancient days, even the desire to learn in a woman was considered a ‘sin’. The code of Manu states, “In childhood a woman must be subject to her father, in youth to her husband, then to her sons; a woman must never be independent. There is no God on earth for a woman than her husband. She must on the death of her husband allow herself to be burnt alive on the same funeral pyre. That everyone will praise her virtue”.
To reach the top, women face more difficulties than men and counter more stumbling blocks than a man does. She might not be multi-tasker or might have completely different set of interests but she is forced to do certain things because of her traditional roles in society. For example, she is ‘asked’ to learn cooking and other household works, along with her education, that she might not really enjoy doing. The famous stories of Indira Gandhi, Kiran Bedi, Kalpana Chawla, Kiran Mazumdar Shaw and Indira Nooyi are jubiliant but unveil only a part of the scenario. And if new examples are not set at a faster pace, it will be indicative of the ‘real’ status of women in society that we have prevaricated to make the women happy and ‘contented’.
Why do IITs, IIMs and ISB have disproportionately fewer women enrolled than men? Because gender plays a very important role in shaping parents’ ‘expectations’ and a child’s education. Why does the army still not recruit women to combat on the frontier? Not because they cannot be made combative; they can be. Even men need training. But because that is not the traditional role of women. If a woman can climb the Mt. Everest she can also combat on the front. Cricket is not a sport in India but an obsession. But how many would be able to tell the name of Indian women’s cricket team captain? Forget the names of players. The reason? This is not the traditional role of women. How many would be able to name a single woman boxing player?
Traditions in India and elsewhere have only gripped women in shackles which might have started loosening but the gender stereotypes still prevail. Traditions did not come from heaven but were created by us only. And their creation was subjected to our already diseased psyche that women are inferior and the biased mindset of which the Manu Smriti is a testimony.
It needs immense courage and fearlessness to defy and demolish the traditions and stereotypes. And somewhere we ourselves have want
ed women to stay in those stereotypes, that is why we have so much objected whenever the traditions were defied (of which the recent Mangalore pub incident is an evidence). If we dream of those days when women will not only emulate but also surpass men in all those fields that still remain unventured by women, and to be one of the lucky generations on this earth who have witnessed a revolution, then breaking the traditions is what needs to be encouraged and celebrated and not her ‘default’ roles.
THE IRONY OF THE CELEBRATION
Read any article on the internet or newspaper on International Women’s Day and for most of them the opening lines will be “She’s the multi-tasker – daughter, mother, wife, sister, etc.-“. What is so achieving about being a multi-tasker? A man is also a good father, son and husband. You cannot make an assumption or claim that he’s not. But a man is never identified as a good father, son or husband but as a CEO, an IAS officer, an eminent engineer or a doctor or to talk plainly – an ambitious employee. Then why are these traditional roles her parameters of identification? The irony is that these are the roles that have domesticated women- her job as a mother, her job as a wife and as a daughter and made her advent in the outside world of men more difficult.
Women’s Day should not be used as an occasion to celebrate traditions but to celebrate all those occasions when traditions were broken. In ancient days, even the desire to learn in a woman was considered a ‘sin’. The code of Manu states, “In childhood a woman must be subject to her father, in youth to her husband, then to her sons; a woman must never be independent. There is no God on earth for a woman than her husband. She must on the death of her husband allow herself to be burnt alive on the same funeral pyre. That everyone will praise her virtue”.
To reach the top, women face more difficulties than men and counter more stumbling blocks than a man does. She might not be multi-tasker or might have completely different set of interests but she is forced to do certain things because of her traditional roles in society. For example, she is ‘asked’ to learn cooking and other household works, along with her education, that she might not really enjoy doing. The famous stories of Indira Gandhi, Kiran Bedi, Kalpana Chawla, Kiran Mazumdar Shaw and Indira Nooyi are jubiliant but unveil only a part of the scenario. And if new examples are not set at a faster pace, it will be indicative of the ‘real’ status of women in society that we have prevaricated to make the women happy and ‘contented’.
Why do IITs, IIMs and ISB have disproportionately fewer women enrolled than men? Because gender plays a very important role in shaping parents’ ‘expectations’ and a child’s education. Why does the army still not recruit women to combat on the frontier? Not because they cannot be made combative; they can be. Even men need training. But because that is not the traditional role of women. If a woman can climb the Mt. Everest she can also combat on the front. Cricket is not a sport in India but an obsession. But how many would be able to tell the name of Indian women’s cricket team captain? Forget the names of players. The reason? This is not the traditional role of women. How many would be able to name a single woman boxing player?
Traditions in India and elsewhere have only gripped women in shackles which might have started loosening but the gender stereotypes still prevail. Traditions did not come from heaven but were created by us only. And their creation was subjected to our already diseased psyche that women are inferior and the biased mindset of which the Manu Smriti is a testimony.
It needs immense courage and fearlessness to defy and demolish the traditions and stereotypes. And somewhere we ourselves have want
ed women to stay in those stereotypes, that is why we have so much objected whenever the traditions were defied (of which the recent Mangalore pub incident is an evidence). If we dream of those days when women will not only emulate but also surpass men in all those fields that still remain unventured by women, and to be one of the lucky generations on this earth who have witnessed a revolution, then breaking the traditions is what needs to be encouraged and celebrated and not her ‘default’ roles.
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